All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
In a world that is virtually awash in scandal and sensationalism, the mere suggestion that a person has "a secret life" can often lead to inferences of behavior that is either immoral, illegal, or otherwise inappropriate. I am inclined to agree with Marquez, however, that everyone, to one degree or another, has a part of his or her life that may properly be described as "secret." It seems to me that a secret life is just another room in each individual's house of reality.
As poet Stephen Dunn recognizes, however, we should remember that the secret chambers of our individual lives are often in the service of our highest ideals. It is in secrecy that we restrain judgments and opinions that might otherwise hurt others; it is in secrecy that we protect the confidences that we hold in trust; and it is in secrecy that we encounter "the shadow" side of ourselves, as Jung called it, and then do the hard work necessary to become what the world needs most—fully integrated human beings.
As poet Stephen Dunn recognizes, however, we should remember that the secret chambers of our individual lives are often in the service of our highest ideals. It is in secrecy that we restrain judgments and opinions that might otherwise hurt others; it is in secrecy that we protect the confidences that we hold in trust; and it is in secrecy that we encounter "the shadow" side of ourselves, as Jung called it, and then do the hard work necessary to become what the world needs most—fully integrated human beings.
A Secret Life
by Stephen Dunn
Why you need to have one
is not much more mysterious than
why you don't say what you think
at the birth of an ugly baby.
Or, you've just made love
and feel you'd rather have been
in a dark booth where your partner
was nodding, whispering yes, yes,
you're brilliant. The secret life
begins early, is kept alive
by all that's unpopular
in you, all that you know
a Baptist, say, or some other
accountant would object to.
It becomes what you'd most protect
if the government said you can protect
one thing, all else is ours.
When you write late at night
it's like a small fire
in a clearing, it's what
radiates and what can hurt
if you get too close to it.
It's why your silence is a kind of truth.
Even when you speak to your best friend,
the one who'll never betray you,
you always leave out one thing;
a secret life is that important.
Poem by Stephen Dunn from Landscape at the End of the Century (W.W. Norton and Company).
Poem by Stephen Dunn from Landscape at the End of the Century (W.W. Norton and Company).
